Have you ever wondered what it feels like to be forgiven? I mean REALLY forgiven. I often wonder what this being forgiven thing feels like, and I think that I may have found an interesting story that explains it perfectly. I'm sure that you all know this one, but just in case you don't, I'll give you a little background. Jesus has just prophesied His own betrayal and death for the umpteenth time, and tells his disciples that when He is handed over to His enemies, they will all fall away (forsake Him). Peter (formerly known as Simon) says that he would never fall away. Jesus tells Peter that he will deny Him three times before the rooster crows. Peter answers "Even if I must die with you, I will not deny you!" Matthew 26:35
Well, Jesus indeed is betrayed by one of His own disciples and handed over to his enemies. All of the disciples scatter and flee, including Peter. But he follows the guards that have taken Jesus and ends up in the courtyard of Caiaphas, the High Priest, where more of our story plays out.
"Now Peter was sitting outside in the courtyard. And a servant girl came up to him and said, "You also were with Jesus the Galilean." But he denied it before them all, saying, "I do not know what you mean." And when he went out to the entrance, another servant girl saw him, and she said to the bystanders, "This man was with Jesus of Nazareth." And again he denied it with an oath: "I do not know the man." After a little while the bystanders came up and said to Peter, "Certainly you too are one of them, for your accent betrays you." Then he began to invoke a curse on himself and to swear, "I do not know the man." And immediately the rooster crowed. And Peter remembered the saying of Jesus, "Before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times," And he went out and wept bitterly." Matthew 26:69-75
Have you done something like this? When times get tough, do you get going? Do you run? Do you blame God? It's so easy when life throws you garbage to put your nose to the grindstone and try to go it alone. I've done it, still do sometimes. Let me ask you something: How's that tactic working out for you? I can tell you from personal experience that it doesn't. It's stressful, overwhelming, and exhausting, this "turn your back" method. It isn't easy to run from God. It may come second nature for some of us, but it isn't easy by far. What does all of this have to do with forgiveness? Remember our story doesn't end there. Short version: Jesus is beaten and crucified. And all of those followers? Let's find out...
On a sidenote: When I am doing a Bible study, I try to put myself in the person's shoes that I am reading about. Try to see things through their eyes, feel what they felt, etc. It helps me understand the story better. So we will try this here: imagine you meet this man who says He is the Son of God. You follow Him, giving up everything in the process (your job, your family, your old life). You put your heart and soul into learning from this man. He tells you things you have never heard before and does miracles. He is amazing beyond words. You would follow Him anywhere...then He dies. Not only does He die, the whole thing plays out just as He said it would. And you put your trust in Him. You thought He was a Savior, the Messiah you have been taught about for as long as you can remember. How would you feel? I would feel afraid, uncertain, angry, confused, and that's just scratching the surface. Now, imagine you are Peter. You said you would die before you denied Him, and you just did it three times. Devastation doesn't even begin to describe it. How could you ever be forgiven for that?
Fast forward to John 21. Jesus has been resurrected. The Son of God has beaten death! Everyone is rejoicing! Well, they should be, at least. But if I were Peter, I would be feeling immense shame.
"When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?" He said to him, "Yes, Lord; you know that I love you." He said to him, "Feed my lambs." He said to him a second time, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?" He said to him, "Yes, Lord; you know that I love you." He said to him, "Tend my sheep," He said to him the third time, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?" Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, "Do you love me?" and he said to him, "Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you." Jesus said to him, "Feed my sheep." John 21:15-17
Now, I believe that this is Jesus' way of saying "Let it go. You are forgiven. Now go do what you were commanded to do: Tend to my sheep." When I read this, I am overwhelmed. This story brings tears to my eyes. Even when we are not faithful, He is faithful. Thank God for this, because I know that more times than not, I prove myself to be a Peter, denying Him when times get tough. I am crying right now, because I am being convicted even as I write this. How much time have I spent feeling shame, instead of accepting God's forgiveness? I am done feeling exhausted, getting beaten because I continue to try to "go it alone". Beloved, do you have something that you need to ask God's forgiveness for? Well, do it. He is faithful. You will be forgiven. Stop being beaten, feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. What a freeing feeling to be forgiven, I can only imagine the flood of emotions that Peter must have felt.
Well, I have to get off to bed, I have church in the morning. God bless!
A
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