So, today was pretty uneventful except for a couple notable incidents...new daycare family came to sign. They will be starting next Monday. Well, at least that is the plan. They didn't pay anything yet, and I made sure to make it clear that I require payment before I can start care, so we will see how it goes. I still have to go talk to my neighbors. They expressed some interest in my daycare a couple of weeks ago, and since I have been court ordered to stay in the state (custody reasons, not because I am in any kind of trouble) I would like to see if they are still looking for care for their son. He is just a couple months older than my son. She didn't have an exact date for starting care, she just said sometime between June and August. I am hoping that I can get them to sign for care as well, because that would put me even closer yet to being able to pay my bills.
Anyways, went to workout tonight. Found out Hottie Trainer has a name. But I'll just call him H.T. Well, I introduced myself and asked him out for coffee. Now, for those of you who don't know me, this is a big thing. I have never asked someone out for coffee. And it's not like I'm looking to date, I would just like to get to know some people in the area. He has a g.f. anyways. No, I did not know that prior to asking him to coffee, either. But I told him that I am a single mom and the only time I really get out is when I go to the gym, and I am not interested in dating, and that I would love for his g.f. to come as well. Maybe I can make friends. He gave me his digits, but I don't think I will be calling him. I know how it would make me feel if someone was calling my b.f. and the last thing I want to do is make someone else feel that way. But I gotta admit, I was bold. And what's the worst he could have done? Said no? Well, I can take that.
So, cyberspace blog-readers, that's my news for the night. Signing off,
Be Blessed,
A
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Just keep swimming...
What's up out there in Cyberspace?! So, got some awesome news (well, awesome for me)! I just ran 1.75 miles, 1.5 of which was nonstop! Now, that may not seem like a whole lot to some of you out there, but I have NEVER been able to run even .25 miles, so this is a huge milestone for me (no pun intended). I am trying to train for a couple of 5ks that are coming up later this summer, and I also have a two-mile coming up this Saturday. This membership to Anytime Fitness has really been a lifesaver for me! It's a great way to relieve stress and get the pent up energy out. Plus, since I have started, I have also been eating healthier, and not bingeing out on the junk food so much. Don't get me wrong, I still have my moments where I eat much more than I should, but I have gotten to the point that I know my triggers, and I try to stay away from them. Running seems so much easier for me now than it used to. But I'm also a non-smoker now, which I'm sure makes a huge difference.
Went down to IL for the weekend. It went well. I had a good time, which I usually do when I go down there. Didn't do a whole lot. Went for a run, though. I don't know if it was two miles or not, but it sure felt like it. And let me tell ya something: running on the road is way different than running on a treadmill. I got winded a whole lot faster, but I'm sure I was probably running faster off the treadmill than I do when I am on it.
New daycare family is coming tomorrow morning to sign and pay. They will be starting this week. I am so excited to finally get someone through the door! I'm praying that this will be a turning point for me when it comes to daycare. A lot of people have told me that it is always hardest to get your first family in the door, but after that, it gets easier. I guess because to prospective daycare families, it looks better if you already have children enrolled in your daycare. Also, I have some neighbors down the hall that have shown interest in my daycare as well. I hope that they are still looking. I emailed the wife, but haven't heard anything back from her yet. I suppose that I could just walk down there, but I don't want to seem desperate.
Okay, so I now have a blister on the inside of my left foot from running. Something is telling me that I don't have the right running shoes. I will have to try to save up for some better quality ones. I saw some Nikes at Savers for $25. They are in my size and seem to be in pretty good condition yet. I can't afford a new pair of good running shoes, so I will have to make do with some good used ones for now. Maybe when I get more daycare clients in the door and I am caught up on my bills, I can save up some money for some good quality shoes. I mean, doing research and finding out what shoes will be the best for my running needs. Because running has become one of my new favorite hobbies (along with talking to you, of course, lol).
Milk Days is next weekend. It will be a lot different this year. R and her family won't be there because S is graduating, and M will be going to the land. Usually we go out drinking, and this year I don't know what will be going on. Maybe I will ask C.J. if he wouldn't mind me joining him if my mom doesn't want to go out. Please don't take all of this the wrong way, I am definitely no lush, ask anyone that knows me. As a matter of fact, Milk Days is one of the few times that I go out the whole year, so I kinda look forward to it. I don't get out much (besides working out), so I really enjoy when I do get to get out. I love being a mom, but I also appreciate having some time to do things that I enjoy. I believe that it is imperative to my keeping my sanity to get out and do things for myself.
Well, gots to get my sleep sometime tonight. Signing off for the night,
Stay blessed,
A
Went down to IL for the weekend. It went well. I had a good time, which I usually do when I go down there. Didn't do a whole lot. Went for a run, though. I don't know if it was two miles or not, but it sure felt like it. And let me tell ya something: running on the road is way different than running on a treadmill. I got winded a whole lot faster, but I'm sure I was probably running faster off the treadmill than I do when I am on it.
New daycare family is coming tomorrow morning to sign and pay. They will be starting this week. I am so excited to finally get someone through the door! I'm praying that this will be a turning point for me when it comes to daycare. A lot of people have told me that it is always hardest to get your first family in the door, but after that, it gets easier. I guess because to prospective daycare families, it looks better if you already have children enrolled in your daycare. Also, I have some neighbors down the hall that have shown interest in my daycare as well. I hope that they are still looking. I emailed the wife, but haven't heard anything back from her yet. I suppose that I could just walk down there, but I don't want to seem desperate.
Okay, so I now have a blister on the inside of my left foot from running. Something is telling me that I don't have the right running shoes. I will have to try to save up for some better quality ones. I saw some Nikes at Savers for $25. They are in my size and seem to be in pretty good condition yet. I can't afford a new pair of good running shoes, so I will have to make do with some good used ones for now. Maybe when I get more daycare clients in the door and I am caught up on my bills, I can save up some money for some good quality shoes. I mean, doing research and finding out what shoes will be the best for my running needs. Because running has become one of my new favorite hobbies (along with talking to you, of course, lol).
Milk Days is next weekend. It will be a lot different this year. R and her family won't be there because S is graduating, and M will be going to the land. Usually we go out drinking, and this year I don't know what will be going on. Maybe I will ask C.J. if he wouldn't mind me joining him if my mom doesn't want to go out. Please don't take all of this the wrong way, I am definitely no lush, ask anyone that knows me. As a matter of fact, Milk Days is one of the few times that I go out the whole year, so I kinda look forward to it. I don't get out much (besides working out), so I really enjoy when I do get to get out. I love being a mom, but I also appreciate having some time to do things that I enjoy. I believe that it is imperative to my keeping my sanity to get out and do things for myself.
Well, gots to get my sleep sometime tonight. Signing off for the night,
Stay blessed,
A
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Gotta love the system....or not
Hello to you all in cyberspace! Hope you are finding yourselves to be blessed this evening. As for me, I know I am, even on a day like today when I can't really feel it. Went to mediation. Now, I thought that mediators were just there to facilitate and to make sure things stay on track. They are supposed to be unbiased and non-opinionated. Apparently that memo didn't reach our mediator's desk. So picture this: me, B, and our wonderful mediator-lady (let's call her C for the sake of my not getting carpal tunnel) sitting at a round table (I don't know about you, but I just got visions of King Arthur and his Knights, lol). B is giving his regular excuses on why he isn't working (no GED, no diploma, he's just too overqualified to work at BURGER KING, yada yada blah blah blah) and pretty much admitting that he has no way to provide for our children short of sitting on the couch with them and watching Spongebob Squarepants. He has no place of his own, no job, no car, no license. His family would be supporting him and our children, as well as becoming a taxi service. Now, I pipe in and say that I do not believe that it would be in our childrens' best interest for us to have 50/50 placement until he has a steady, stable job, a place of his own to live, and his own transportation and drivers license. You know what C said? She said that I was being unreasonable!!! Yes, that's right folks, our unbiased, non-opinionated mediator seemed to have forgotten what her job was. Tell me please, what is so unreasonable about wanting B to grow up and be responsible, something that hasn't been required from since, well birth? And as if that wasn't bad enough, she went on to say that she doesn't understand why the child support agency will revoke someone's driving priveleges and throw them in jail if they don't pay support. Well, golly gee whiz, she seems to be very opinionated now, doesn't she? On top of it all, she was okay with him not being able to provide for our children! She said that that isn't the issue. Whereas I disagree. If he wants 50/50, he has to be able to PROVE that he can provide for our children, since essentially they will be with him half the time. The system makes me sick to my stomach! AND THEN... I got the letter from the judge denying my request for an interim order permitting me to reside in IL with the children where we can have the support we need, as well as a roof over our heads. His super-important reason for objecting to that: "Because I don't want you to move down by your family because I don't like them and they don't like me, and I don't want them to help you." Wow, talk about control issues!
So, needless to say, I left the courthouse pretty pissed off. Called my mom to vent, then decided that my being angry wasn't ruining B or C's days, so what's the point? Be pissed, deal with it, and be done. So I did just that. I let my anger fuel me. In one hour after we got out of court, I managed to talk with my landlords and they agreed to let me stay, and work with me on the rent issue, as well as contacting one of my potential daycare clients to see if they were still interested. Turns out that they hadn't even looked into any other daycare facilities because they liked mine so much. They will be coming over Sunday to go over paperwork and sign the contract. They will be starting next week! So today turned out to be a pretty productive day.
Talked to K and K during dinner tonight. We decided to re-institute the Thursday night family meetings. We talked about how they have been feeling with everything. They both said that they are sad. They said they miss being a family. I told them the we are still a family, and we always will be, but that their father and I cannot get along. I said that we decided that it would be better for them if we separated so that they would not have to see us arguing all the time. And we can be better parents apart than we can together. I don't know if it was the right thing to say, but it seemed to help. Then, I asked if there was something that I could do to help them. They actually had a very good idea. They said that it would be nice if we could do all the cleaning in one day and then we can spend the next day having fun and playing games. Basically they were saying "Mom, you're too obsessed with cleaning. Don't clean so much and play with us more." I think that I may just have to take them up on that. I could use some good old-fashioned playtime with my babes. Have I mentioned lately that I have the best kiddos in the world? Well, I do. And that is my totally biased opinion, lol.
Although I wish that mediation would have gone better, I can see where I have been blessed today. I got to pick up K and K from school, spend time with my babies, watch a movie with them, see them laugh, and have a great convo with them. And you know what? I'll take that anyday, hands down.
Well, I'm going to head off to bed before my eyes completely turn to sandpaper.
"The Lord is my rick and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge,my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies." Psalm 18:2-3
Rejoicing in my suffering...
A
So, needless to say, I left the courthouse pretty pissed off. Called my mom to vent, then decided that my being angry wasn't ruining B or C's days, so what's the point? Be pissed, deal with it, and be done. So I did just that. I let my anger fuel me. In one hour after we got out of court, I managed to talk with my landlords and they agreed to let me stay, and work with me on the rent issue, as well as contacting one of my potential daycare clients to see if they were still interested. Turns out that they hadn't even looked into any other daycare facilities because they liked mine so much. They will be coming over Sunday to go over paperwork and sign the contract. They will be starting next week! So today turned out to be a pretty productive day.
Talked to K and K during dinner tonight. We decided to re-institute the Thursday night family meetings. We talked about how they have been feeling with everything. They both said that they are sad. They said they miss being a family. I told them the we are still a family, and we always will be, but that their father and I cannot get along. I said that we decided that it would be better for them if we separated so that they would not have to see us arguing all the time. And we can be better parents apart than we can together. I don't know if it was the right thing to say, but it seemed to help. Then, I asked if there was something that I could do to help them. They actually had a very good idea. They said that it would be nice if we could do all the cleaning in one day and then we can spend the next day having fun and playing games. Basically they were saying "Mom, you're too obsessed with cleaning. Don't clean so much and play with us more." I think that I may just have to take them up on that. I could use some good old-fashioned playtime with my babes. Have I mentioned lately that I have the best kiddos in the world? Well, I do. And that is my totally biased opinion, lol.
Although I wish that mediation would have gone better, I can see where I have been blessed today. I got to pick up K and K from school, spend time with my babies, watch a movie with them, see them laugh, and have a great convo with them. And you know what? I'll take that anyday, hands down.
Well, I'm going to head off to bed before my eyes completely turn to sandpaper.
"The Lord is my rick and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge,my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies." Psalm 18:2-3
Rejoicing in my suffering...
A
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Don't stress, don't stress, don't stress...the mantra of the night
Good evening, fellow bloggers and internet buddies! Hope everything is going well with you all! Things have gotten better since last I was online...headache is gone! Also, I jogged .81 miles last night. For those of you who don't know me very well, that is a huge accomplishment! I have never been able to run more than .25 miles, and doing that much makes me feel awesome!
So, I have decided that I want to participate in a 5k or a biathlon or triathlon or something of that sort. I am looking for one down in Illinois, since that is where I will be in a few weeks. I figure that since I have been spending so much time getting back into shape, I may as well put it to good use and train for something. Then I have a goal to work toward. I know that it sounds a bit on the crazy side, but I am trying to do new things, and I haven't done that sort of thing before. Plus, it kinda sounds like fun!
I called the child support agency earlier today and found out that B put in a written objection to the warrant that was going to be filed. Now riddle me this: how come he has the right to object when he hasn't paid support for two years, he hasn't held a job in two years, AND has already been to court about not paying and was given 90 days to start paying (which he hasn't done) or he would be thrown in jail. How exactly is that the child support agency at work? Jeez, if that's how they run the show, then I should apply for a job over there! I can sit on my butt and say niceities into the phone just as well as the next person, so that would be a perfect job for me! NOT! Grrrrrr, I just don't understand why he seems to get all the breaks!
As if that isn't bad enough, he and I have mediation tomorrow as well. I know already that we aren't going to get anywhere with things, so they may as well appoint the GAL and set up a court date for that. Because there is no way that I will agree to what he is proposing! I really don't want to go to mediation because I would rather not see him. And I want to talk to him even less. I don't trust him, I don't trust his motives, and frankly he makes me sick to my stomach.
Went to SCUBA tonight. By SCUBA I don't mean that I am taking diving lessons, either. River of Life church has Bible study on Wednesday nights, and it's called SCUBA because we dive deeper into the Word. Tonight we watched Collission, a debate between anti-theist Christopher Hitchens, and Reformed Presbyterian Pastor Douglas Wilson. It was very good. I thought that it was really interesting to see the atheist argument to things like truth and beauty. To say that truth is objective is kind of funny in a way. It basically means that my truth can be different to your truth, and it would still be truth. For instance, morals...say I think it's okay to hi-jack cars. Now morally we know that it is wrong, not to mention against the law, but since I think that it is okay, that means that I should not get thrown into jail for hi-jacking your car. Because truth is objective and when truth is objective, then so are morals. There are no absolutes in the world then.
On the way home, my dad (who had accompanied me to SCUBA) asked me: why does God make cancer cells that kill people? It really ticks me off when he asks me questions like that because I am not God (clearly, lol), so how can I answer for Him? So I asked my dad: do you believe in God? He said yes. Then I asked: do you trust Him? He said yes. So I said, then trust that He has a reason for everything, and sometimes we don't know or understand those reasons. He got mad at me then because I didn't answer his question. He can really push my buttons sometimes, ya know? So I asked him a question. I asked him: why does God make thunderstorms so beautiful? Why did God make the human body work so exquisitely? Why do you only ask questions that sound so doubtful of God yet never question His handiwork when it comes to the good stuff? So needless to say, the rest of the ride home was quite silent, which was fine with me. I know that I probably shouldn't be like that, but I tend to get offended when someone takes digs at my Heavenly Father. Especially when they aren't asking out of curiosity because they are searching, but rather to start an argument. God is good all the time, even when I can't see it or wrap my little head around it. I have to believe that, I have to know that He is in total control, or I would lose my mind...
Well peeps, I'm signing off for the night! But before I do, I would like to ask you to pray for me as I go to mediation tomorrow. Pray that God gives me strength and calms my nerves. Also pray that He shuts my mouth when it needs to be shut and opens it when it needs to be open. Thanks all! God Bless!
A
So, I have decided that I want to participate in a 5k or a biathlon or triathlon or something of that sort. I am looking for one down in Illinois, since that is where I will be in a few weeks. I figure that since I have been spending so much time getting back into shape, I may as well put it to good use and train for something. Then I have a goal to work toward. I know that it sounds a bit on the crazy side, but I am trying to do new things, and I haven't done that sort of thing before. Plus, it kinda sounds like fun!
I called the child support agency earlier today and found out that B put in a written objection to the warrant that was going to be filed. Now riddle me this: how come he has the right to object when he hasn't paid support for two years, he hasn't held a job in two years, AND has already been to court about not paying and was given 90 days to start paying (which he hasn't done) or he would be thrown in jail. How exactly is that the child support agency at work? Jeez, if that's how they run the show, then I should apply for a job over there! I can sit on my butt and say niceities into the phone just as well as the next person, so that would be a perfect job for me! NOT! Grrrrrr, I just don't understand why he seems to get all the breaks!
As if that isn't bad enough, he and I have mediation tomorrow as well. I know already that we aren't going to get anywhere with things, so they may as well appoint the GAL and set up a court date for that. Because there is no way that I will agree to what he is proposing! I really don't want to go to mediation because I would rather not see him. And I want to talk to him even less. I don't trust him, I don't trust his motives, and frankly he makes me sick to my stomach.
Went to SCUBA tonight. By SCUBA I don't mean that I am taking diving lessons, either. River of Life church has Bible study on Wednesday nights, and it's called SCUBA because we dive deeper into the Word. Tonight we watched Collission, a debate between anti-theist Christopher Hitchens, and Reformed Presbyterian Pastor Douglas Wilson. It was very good. I thought that it was really interesting to see the atheist argument to things like truth and beauty. To say that truth is objective is kind of funny in a way. It basically means that my truth can be different to your truth, and it would still be truth. For instance, morals...say I think it's okay to hi-jack cars. Now morally we know that it is wrong, not to mention against the law, but since I think that it is okay, that means that I should not get thrown into jail for hi-jacking your car. Because truth is objective and when truth is objective, then so are morals. There are no absolutes in the world then.
On the way home, my dad (who had accompanied me to SCUBA) asked me: why does God make cancer cells that kill people? It really ticks me off when he asks me questions like that because I am not God (clearly, lol), so how can I answer for Him? So I asked my dad: do you believe in God? He said yes. Then I asked: do you trust Him? He said yes. So I said, then trust that He has a reason for everything, and sometimes we don't know or understand those reasons. He got mad at me then because I didn't answer his question. He can really push my buttons sometimes, ya know? So I asked him a question. I asked him: why does God make thunderstorms so beautiful? Why did God make the human body work so exquisitely? Why do you only ask questions that sound so doubtful of God yet never question His handiwork when it comes to the good stuff? So needless to say, the rest of the ride home was quite silent, which was fine with me. I know that I probably shouldn't be like that, but I tend to get offended when someone takes digs at my Heavenly Father. Especially when they aren't asking out of curiosity because they are searching, but rather to start an argument. God is good all the time, even when I can't see it or wrap my little head around it. I have to believe that, I have to know that He is in total control, or I would lose my mind...
Well peeps, I'm signing off for the night! But before I do, I would like to ask you to pray for me as I go to mediation tomorrow. Pray that God gives me strength and calms my nerves. Also pray that He shuts my mouth when it needs to be shut and opens it when it needs to be open. Thanks all! God Bless!
A
Monday, May 23, 2011
The trials of being a single mom, among other things...
Today was a rough day. Woke up to J having gotten sick sometime in the night (don't know when cuz I didn't hear anything), then falling back to sleep in her own vomit. Not the way I would normally like to start the day, but whatever. So needless to say, she got to take a bubble bath bright and early, much to her delight. I called her grandmother on her father's side (which is where she was part of yesterday) to see if anyone over in that direction had been sick lately, and she suggested that she may have caught something from one of her older sisters. Duh, now I would know if K or K were sick lately, and if I thought that it may have come from one of them, I would not have called her. I tell ya, some people....but let's not get into that...
Anyways, after her nice bubble bath, she got the diarrhea. Poor thing...but I have to say, she doesn't let anything get her down. I wish I could have that kind of energy and spunk when I don't feel well. On a good note, though, she didn't get sick all day, and the diarrhea went away as well. Maybe it was just something that she ate.
Had a headache earlier tonight. What a night for my dad to stand me up. He usually comes over after he gets off of work and has supper. It gives me a chance to go workout and blow off some steam. Have you ever had one of those nights when you know that you just need a break? That you need to get away, even if it's only for a few minutes? That was my night. I don't know what happened. I just started to feel so overwhelmed all of a sudden, like I was suffocating (not literally, figuratively). J wouldn't stay in her crib, K and K were jibber-jabbering instead of sleeping, and A was fussing in his crib. I haven't ever gotten to the point where I have lost all patience before, but tonight I got pretty close. And the worst part about it is that I could see myself getting closer and closer to that point, and I didn't know what to do to stop it. That's scary...I know that I'm not a perfect parent, nor will I ever be, but I take my role as a mother very seriously. God has trusted me with these children, and I don't want to let Him down. There are times when I feel that I am failing, and tonight is one of those times...breaks my heart...what's done is done though, tomorrow is another day. God's mercies are new every day.
Don't get me wrong, I love being a mother, and compared to what my life was like before, I wouldn't trade where I am now to have what I had back then (which wasn't much, believe me). But there are times when I wish I could have a break. Not a workout break, but a mental break. Where I didn't have to think about what bills I have to pay, when I will have to buy more diapers, or worry about, well everything. There are times when reality hits and I realize that I am both a mother and father, a protector, a psychologist, a doctor, a taxi service, a teacher, a disciplinarian, a cook, a maid, and many other things. And I begin to feel very overwhelmed. And I know that if I didn't have Jesus to lean on, I would crumble under the pressure. I am not a strong person. I dislike confrontation and avoid it at all costs. My feelings get hurt very easily, and I spend the better part of my day terrified of what may (but most likely won't) happen. I cry myself to sleep more nights than not.
I almost laugh when people say that they think that I am a strong person. What they see is not me, but God working through me. I have heard many times that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I don't know if I really believe that. My pastor says it differently. God ALWAYS gives you more than you can handle, so you lean on Him for strength. It keeps us humble. I pray that He keeps me humble, that I never think that I can do any of this on my own, without Him. Struggles will either solidify your faith, or make you lose it. Although I don't think that it is so much a matter of losing faith, but of not having it in the first place, or having it in the wrong thing.
Well, I am getting tired, so I am going to sign off for the evening. Talk at you all later! Have a good one, and God bless!
A
Anyways, after her nice bubble bath, she got the diarrhea. Poor thing...but I have to say, she doesn't let anything get her down. I wish I could have that kind of energy and spunk when I don't feel well. On a good note, though, she didn't get sick all day, and the diarrhea went away as well. Maybe it was just something that she ate.
Had a headache earlier tonight. What a night for my dad to stand me up. He usually comes over after he gets off of work and has supper. It gives me a chance to go workout and blow off some steam. Have you ever had one of those nights when you know that you just need a break? That you need to get away, even if it's only for a few minutes? That was my night. I don't know what happened. I just started to feel so overwhelmed all of a sudden, like I was suffocating (not literally, figuratively). J wouldn't stay in her crib, K and K were jibber-jabbering instead of sleeping, and A was fussing in his crib. I haven't ever gotten to the point where I have lost all patience before, but tonight I got pretty close. And the worst part about it is that I could see myself getting closer and closer to that point, and I didn't know what to do to stop it. That's scary...I know that I'm not a perfect parent, nor will I ever be, but I take my role as a mother very seriously. God has trusted me with these children, and I don't want to let Him down. There are times when I feel that I am failing, and tonight is one of those times...breaks my heart...what's done is done though, tomorrow is another day. God's mercies are new every day.
Don't get me wrong, I love being a mother, and compared to what my life was like before, I wouldn't trade where I am now to have what I had back then (which wasn't much, believe me). But there are times when I wish I could have a break. Not a workout break, but a mental break. Where I didn't have to think about what bills I have to pay, when I will have to buy more diapers, or worry about, well everything. There are times when reality hits and I realize that I am both a mother and father, a protector, a psychologist, a doctor, a taxi service, a teacher, a disciplinarian, a cook, a maid, and many other things. And I begin to feel very overwhelmed. And I know that if I didn't have Jesus to lean on, I would crumble under the pressure. I am not a strong person. I dislike confrontation and avoid it at all costs. My feelings get hurt very easily, and I spend the better part of my day terrified of what may (but most likely won't) happen. I cry myself to sleep more nights than not.
I almost laugh when people say that they think that I am a strong person. What they see is not me, but God working through me. I have heard many times that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I don't know if I really believe that. My pastor says it differently. God ALWAYS gives you more than you can handle, so you lean on Him for strength. It keeps us humble. I pray that He keeps me humble, that I never think that I can do any of this on my own, without Him. Struggles will either solidify your faith, or make you lose it. Although I don't think that it is so much a matter of losing faith, but of not having it in the first place, or having it in the wrong thing.
Well, I am getting tired, so I am going to sign off for the evening. Talk at you all later! Have a good one, and God bless!
A
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Getting up on my soapbox, y'all watch out!!! LOL
Hey all you fellow bloggers (and blog readers) out in Cyberspace! Hope you're all having a fantastic evening (day, whatever time it is right now)! Just got home from working out, and let me tell ya, I needed it tonight! Did some kickboxing, got rid of some stress, yep life is good. (Don't worry, I showered afterward, so I don't stink, lol)
So, I'm reading (or shall I say re-reading) John MacArthur's Hard to Believe, and man am I fired up! Whew! Gots to get some stuff off my chest! For anyone out there who hasn't had the opportunity to read some of MacArthur's work, I highly recommend it. Anyways, back to the point. In a nutshell, the book is about how many churches today water down the Gospel to make it easier to swallow. Many churches nowadays turn Jesus into Santa Claus or the Genie in the bottle (the leprachaun at the end of the rainbow, insert your own sweet and fluffy visual here...). I would like to know: what happened to reading the Bible, and preaching THAT Jesus? Because some people may just get a little miffed, feel a little uncomfortable? Let me tell you something, if you leave church on Sunday and don't feel convicted, don't feel that urge to have a closer relationship with the Jesus of the Bible, then maybe it's time to find a new church.
I'm probably not going to make many friends with this post, but I don't care, I'm up on my soapbox, so I'm going to tell it how I see it...God really doesn't care about your feelings, He cares about your holiness. Now, here's where some of you are going to try to quote John 3:16: "For God so loved the world..." but too many times, that's as far as some people get. If you stop reading right there, you are making an egregious mistake...you miss the message of the gospel. "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life" For God so loved the world (or better yet, HIS CHOSEN), that he sent his son to: live a sinless life, perform MANY miracles, raise the dead, be betrayed by one of His disciples, be handed over to His enemies, be beaten beyond recognition, die a criminal's death, be hung on a cross, all so that whoever believes in Him (Jesus Christ, the risen Son of God) may have eternal life...if none of this sounds familiar, please look it up, what you read will blow your mind.
Jesus did not come to give you warm fuzzy feelings. As a matter of fact, the Biblical Jesus is the one who called the pharisees and sadducees a "brood of vipers", who overturned tables in the temple, driving out those who were buying and selling. He declared that He was the ONLY way. "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. NO ONE comes to the Father except through ME" (John14:6, emphasis mine) He even called Peter, one of His own disciples, Satan for rebuking Him. Doesn't sound very warm and fuzzy, does it? He spoke in parables so those who weren't His own wouldn't understand, the stories would sound foolish and strange. Now, if you believe that He came to save EVERYONE, then there would be no need for the parables, right? Jesus Himself explains the purpose of the parables in Matthew (Matthew 13:10-17)
What happens when we water down the Gospel to make it easier to swallow? We lead others to their doom. Imagine a bunch of blind people walking, no running, towards a cliff, and you're standing there cheering them on so they feel good about it! Not very loving...
Whereas the Gospel may be hard to swallow for many, but it's truth. And the truth will set you free...
So, signing off for the night...I hope that this just may piss some of you off enough to pull that Bible off the shelf, wipe off the dust, open it up, and read it. Find out for yourself what the Bible says about Jesus, our depravity (that's for another time), and our need for a Savior. Find out what the Gospel is really about.
Till next time....
God Bless,
Amber
So, I'm reading (or shall I say re-reading) John MacArthur's Hard to Believe, and man am I fired up! Whew! Gots to get some stuff off my chest! For anyone out there who hasn't had the opportunity to read some of MacArthur's work, I highly recommend it. Anyways, back to the point. In a nutshell, the book is about how many churches today water down the Gospel to make it easier to swallow. Many churches nowadays turn Jesus into Santa Claus or the Genie in the bottle (the leprachaun at the end of the rainbow, insert your own sweet and fluffy visual here...). I would like to know: what happened to reading the Bible, and preaching THAT Jesus? Because some people may just get a little miffed, feel a little uncomfortable? Let me tell you something, if you leave church on Sunday and don't feel convicted, don't feel that urge to have a closer relationship with the Jesus of the Bible, then maybe it's time to find a new church.
I'm probably not going to make many friends with this post, but I don't care, I'm up on my soapbox, so I'm going to tell it how I see it...God really doesn't care about your feelings, He cares about your holiness. Now, here's where some of you are going to try to quote John 3:16: "For God so loved the world..." but too many times, that's as far as some people get. If you stop reading right there, you are making an egregious mistake...you miss the message of the gospel. "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life" For God so loved the world (or better yet, HIS CHOSEN), that he sent his son to: live a sinless life, perform MANY miracles, raise the dead, be betrayed by one of His disciples, be handed over to His enemies, be beaten beyond recognition, die a criminal's death, be hung on a cross, all so that whoever believes in Him (Jesus Christ, the risen Son of God) may have eternal life...if none of this sounds familiar, please look it up, what you read will blow your mind.
Jesus did not come to give you warm fuzzy feelings. As a matter of fact, the Biblical Jesus is the one who called the pharisees and sadducees a "brood of vipers", who overturned tables in the temple, driving out those who were buying and selling. He declared that He was the ONLY way. "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. NO ONE comes to the Father except through ME" (John14:6, emphasis mine) He even called Peter, one of His own disciples, Satan for rebuking Him. Doesn't sound very warm and fuzzy, does it? He spoke in parables so those who weren't His own wouldn't understand, the stories would sound foolish and strange. Now, if you believe that He came to save EVERYONE, then there would be no need for the parables, right? Jesus Himself explains the purpose of the parables in Matthew (Matthew 13:10-17)
What happens when we water down the Gospel to make it easier to swallow? We lead others to their doom. Imagine a bunch of blind people walking, no running, towards a cliff, and you're standing there cheering them on so they feel good about it! Not very loving...
Whereas the Gospel may be hard to swallow for many, but it's truth. And the truth will set you free...
So, signing off for the night...I hope that this just may piss some of you off enough to pull that Bible off the shelf, wipe off the dust, open it up, and read it. Find out for yourself what the Bible says about Jesus, our depravity (that's for another time), and our need for a Savior. Find out what the Gospel is really about.
Till next time....
God Bless,
Amber
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Moving...and moving on
Hey all you readers (and fellow bloggers)! Welcome to my blog. Where I write about life, love, family, and God. I love to write, and find it very theraputic. And maybe, just maybe, one of you will read what I have written and it will touch your heart...that's my prayer, to impact someone.
I'm a single mom of four beautiful children. My oldest is 8, my youngest is 8 months. I love my children and next to God, they come first. Everyday I pray that whatever I may have screwed up, God will use it to grow them and me. Right now we live two miles from their father, which isn't quite working out. He takes them for granted, doesn't know how to appreciate what he has and he never has. I try not to let the bitterness consume me, but there are days that it gets really hard. Like when someone has a bad dream, or when the two oldest girls ask why daddy is always at his friend's house, but he never comes to see them. I try to remember what the Bible says (He is the father to the fatherless), but when the tangible always lets you down, how do you trust the intangible?
So, school is almost done for the year (where has the time gone), and we are starting to pack up our stuff. In just over three weeks, we will be moving to Illinois to live with my grandmother. I'm going through and deciding what will make the first cut, and what will be donated. Most of our bigger things will be sold, and in the end, I want to take with us as little as possible since we won't have much space. My feelings are very mixed at the moment. I jump between excitement at starting over and dread at the fact that I can't do it all on my own. I worry about how this will all impact my children, as we have moved quite a bit over the past year or so. I just want to find a place where they can grow up and call home. I know that home isn't so much a place as the feeling and who you are building it with, but I also know how hard it is to meet new people and form new friendships. I'm trusting God on this one. I have been praying throughout these past few months that if I am supposed to go to Illinois, that he will slam every other door. I don't get subtleties sometimes, so He has to be very blunt with me (I am a blonde, you know lol).
Called child support earlier today to check on the status of the bench warrant. It finally got approved by the attorney, now it sits on the Family Court Commissioner's desk for five business days unless he wants to object to it. Pretty dumb system, if you ask me. Let me give you some background info in case you don't know me: been a single mommy for two years. He hasn't wanted placement or custody, nor has he worked or paid child support for two years. He lives with (off of) his mom, who is a classic enabler but won't admit it. Now all of a sudden when I want to move to make sure that my children and I can have a roof over our heads, he wants to file for 50/50. This from a guy who couldn't make it to K & K's parent-teacher conferences because they were scheduled on his birthday and he was planning on going out to the bar that night. I have been fighting with child support agency for almost a year now to get a warrant and now that it is within reach, they do this. (More on that whole thing at a later date) Let's just say that I am a little disappointed. I have been doing what I am supposed to do, followed all of the rules, and it seems that he just keeps catching all of the breaks. Agh, it's a frustrating thing.
Of all of the things that I am saddest about when it comes to moving, the one thing that stands out is definitely leaving my church and the family that I have there. Let me tell you something: all of you believers out there, and those of you that aren't quite there yet, if you find a home church that guides you and helps you to grow, hang on to it with all you can. I know that it isn't about the church, that it's about your relationship with Christ, but coming from someone that doesn't make friends that easily or trust others, a good home church can really be a God send (pun intended). My home church is River Of Life (yes Bob, I plugged it, lol) in Portage WI. The people that I have met there and formed bonds and connections with will be a part of my life forever (sorry guys, you can't get rid of me that easily). They have encouraged me, they have challenged me, they have been brutally honest with me because I needed to hear it, and through it all, they have been there for me when I have needed prayer. Yep, that's the only thing that will make this move more difficult.
Well all, I'm logging off for the night. Until next time, stay strong, trust in the Lord, and be blessed.
God Bless,
Amber
I'm a single mom of four beautiful children. My oldest is 8, my youngest is 8 months. I love my children and next to God, they come first. Everyday I pray that whatever I may have screwed up, God will use it to grow them and me. Right now we live two miles from their father, which isn't quite working out. He takes them for granted, doesn't know how to appreciate what he has and he never has. I try not to let the bitterness consume me, but there are days that it gets really hard. Like when someone has a bad dream, or when the two oldest girls ask why daddy is always at his friend's house, but he never comes to see them. I try to remember what the Bible says (He is the father to the fatherless), but when the tangible always lets you down, how do you trust the intangible?
So, school is almost done for the year (where has the time gone), and we are starting to pack up our stuff. In just over three weeks, we will be moving to Illinois to live with my grandmother. I'm going through and deciding what will make the first cut, and what will be donated. Most of our bigger things will be sold, and in the end, I want to take with us as little as possible since we won't have much space. My feelings are very mixed at the moment. I jump between excitement at starting over and dread at the fact that I can't do it all on my own. I worry about how this will all impact my children, as we have moved quite a bit over the past year or so. I just want to find a place where they can grow up and call home. I know that home isn't so much a place as the feeling and who you are building it with, but I also know how hard it is to meet new people and form new friendships. I'm trusting God on this one. I have been praying throughout these past few months that if I am supposed to go to Illinois, that he will slam every other door. I don't get subtleties sometimes, so He has to be very blunt with me (I am a blonde, you know lol).
Called child support earlier today to check on the status of the bench warrant. It finally got approved by the attorney, now it sits on the Family Court Commissioner's desk for five business days unless he wants to object to it. Pretty dumb system, if you ask me. Let me give you some background info in case you don't know me: been a single mommy for two years. He hasn't wanted placement or custody, nor has he worked or paid child support for two years. He lives with (off of) his mom, who is a classic enabler but won't admit it. Now all of a sudden when I want to move to make sure that my children and I can have a roof over our heads, he wants to file for 50/50. This from a guy who couldn't make it to K & K's parent-teacher conferences because they were scheduled on his birthday and he was planning on going out to the bar that night. I have been fighting with child support agency for almost a year now to get a warrant and now that it is within reach, they do this. (More on that whole thing at a later date) Let's just say that I am a little disappointed. I have been doing what I am supposed to do, followed all of the rules, and it seems that he just keeps catching all of the breaks. Agh, it's a frustrating thing.
Of all of the things that I am saddest about when it comes to moving, the one thing that stands out is definitely leaving my church and the family that I have there. Let me tell you something: all of you believers out there, and those of you that aren't quite there yet, if you find a home church that guides you and helps you to grow, hang on to it with all you can. I know that it isn't about the church, that it's about your relationship with Christ, but coming from someone that doesn't make friends that easily or trust others, a good home church can really be a God send (pun intended). My home church is River Of Life (yes Bob, I plugged it, lol) in Portage WI. The people that I have met there and formed bonds and connections with will be a part of my life forever (sorry guys, you can't get rid of me that easily). They have encouraged me, they have challenged me, they have been brutally honest with me because I needed to hear it, and through it all, they have been there for me when I have needed prayer. Yep, that's the only thing that will make this move more difficult.
Well all, I'm logging off for the night. Until next time, stay strong, trust in the Lord, and be blessed.
God Bless,
Amber
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