Hello to you all in cyberspace! Hope you are finding yourselves to be blessed this evening. As for me, I know I am, even on a day like today when I can't really feel it. Went to mediation. Now, I thought that mediators were just there to facilitate and to make sure things stay on track. They are supposed to be unbiased and non-opinionated. Apparently that memo didn't reach our mediator's desk. So picture this: me, B, and our wonderful mediator-lady (let's call her C for the sake of my not getting carpal tunnel) sitting at a round table (I don't know about you, but I just got visions of King Arthur and his Knights, lol). B is giving his regular excuses on why he isn't working (no GED, no diploma, he's just too overqualified to work at BURGER KING, yada yada blah blah blah) and pretty much admitting that he has no way to provide for our children short of sitting on the couch with them and watching Spongebob Squarepants. He has no place of his own, no job, no car, no license. His family would be supporting him and our children, as well as becoming a taxi service. Now, I pipe in and say that I do not believe that it would be in our childrens' best interest for us to have 50/50 placement until he has a steady, stable job, a place of his own to live, and his own transportation and drivers license. You know what C said? She said that I was being unreasonable!!! Yes, that's right folks, our unbiased, non-opinionated mediator seemed to have forgotten what her job was. Tell me please, what is so unreasonable about wanting B to grow up and be responsible, something that hasn't been required from since, well birth? And as if that wasn't bad enough, she went on to say that she doesn't understand why the child support agency will revoke someone's driving priveleges and throw them in jail if they don't pay support. Well, golly gee whiz, she seems to be very opinionated now, doesn't she? On top of it all, she was okay with him not being able to provide for our children! She said that that isn't the issue. Whereas I disagree. If he wants 50/50, he has to be able to PROVE that he can provide for our children, since essentially they will be with him half the time. The system makes me sick to my stomach! AND THEN... I got the letter from the judge denying my request for an interim order permitting me to reside in IL with the children where we can have the support we need, as well as a roof over our heads. His super-important reason for objecting to that: "Because I don't want you to move down by your family because I don't like them and they don't like me, and I don't want them to help you." Wow, talk about control issues!
So, needless to say, I left the courthouse pretty pissed off. Called my mom to vent, then decided that my being angry wasn't ruining B or C's days, so what's the point? Be pissed, deal with it, and be done. So I did just that. I let my anger fuel me. In one hour after we got out of court, I managed to talk with my landlords and they agreed to let me stay, and work with me on the rent issue, as well as contacting one of my potential daycare clients to see if they were still interested. Turns out that they hadn't even looked into any other daycare facilities because they liked mine so much. They will be coming over Sunday to go over paperwork and sign the contract. They will be starting next week! So today turned out to be a pretty productive day.
Talked to K and K during dinner tonight. We decided to re-institute the Thursday night family meetings. We talked about how they have been feeling with everything. They both said that they are sad. They said they miss being a family. I told them the we are still a family, and we always will be, but that their father and I cannot get along. I said that we decided that it would be better for them if we separated so that they would not have to see us arguing all the time. And we can be better parents apart than we can together. I don't know if it was the right thing to say, but it seemed to help. Then, I asked if there was something that I could do to help them. They actually had a very good idea. They said that it would be nice if we could do all the cleaning in one day and then we can spend the next day having fun and playing games. Basically they were saying "Mom, you're too obsessed with cleaning. Don't clean so much and play with us more." I think that I may just have to take them up on that. I could use some good old-fashioned playtime with my babes. Have I mentioned lately that I have the best kiddos in the world? Well, I do. And that is my totally biased opinion, lol.
Although I wish that mediation would have gone better, I can see where I have been blessed today. I got to pick up K and K from school, spend time with my babies, watch a movie with them, see them laugh, and have a great convo with them. And you know what? I'll take that anyday, hands down.
Well, I'm going to head off to bed before my eyes completely turn to sandpaper.
"The Lord is my rick and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge,my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies." Psalm 18:2-3
Rejoicing in my suffering...
A
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