Hey all you readers (and fellow bloggers)! Welcome to my blog. Where I write about life, love, family, and God. I love to write, and find it very theraputic. And maybe, just maybe, one of you will read what I have written and it will touch your heart...that's my prayer, to impact someone.
I'm a single mom of four beautiful children. My oldest is 8, my youngest is 8 months. I love my children and next to God, they come first. Everyday I pray that whatever I may have screwed up, God will use it to grow them and me. Right now we live two miles from their father, which isn't quite working out. He takes them for granted, doesn't know how to appreciate what he has and he never has. I try not to let the bitterness consume me, but there are days that it gets really hard. Like when someone has a bad dream, or when the two oldest girls ask why daddy is always at his friend's house, but he never comes to see them. I try to remember what the Bible says (He is the father to the fatherless), but when the tangible always lets you down, how do you trust the intangible?
So, school is almost done for the year (where has the time gone), and we are starting to pack up our stuff. In just over three weeks, we will be moving to Illinois to live with my grandmother. I'm going through and deciding what will make the first cut, and what will be donated. Most of our bigger things will be sold, and in the end, I want to take with us as little as possible since we won't have much space. My feelings are very mixed at the moment. I jump between excitement at starting over and dread at the fact that I can't do it all on my own. I worry about how this will all impact my children, as we have moved quite a bit over the past year or so. I just want to find a place where they can grow up and call home. I know that home isn't so much a place as the feeling and who you are building it with, but I also know how hard it is to meet new people and form new friendships. I'm trusting God on this one. I have been praying throughout these past few months that if I am supposed to go to Illinois, that he will slam every other door. I don't get subtleties sometimes, so He has to be very blunt with me (I am a blonde, you know lol).
Called child support earlier today to check on the status of the bench warrant. It finally got approved by the attorney, now it sits on the Family Court Commissioner's desk for five business days unless he wants to object to it. Pretty dumb system, if you ask me. Let me give you some background info in case you don't know me: been a single mommy for two years. He hasn't wanted placement or custody, nor has he worked or paid child support for two years. He lives with (off of) his mom, who is a classic enabler but won't admit it. Now all of a sudden when I want to move to make sure that my children and I can have a roof over our heads, he wants to file for 50/50. This from a guy who couldn't make it to K & K's parent-teacher conferences because they were scheduled on his birthday and he was planning on going out to the bar that night. I have been fighting with child support agency for almost a year now to get a warrant and now that it is within reach, they do this. (More on that whole thing at a later date) Let's just say that I am a little disappointed. I have been doing what I am supposed to do, followed all of the rules, and it seems that he just keeps catching all of the breaks. Agh, it's a frustrating thing.
Of all of the things that I am saddest about when it comes to moving, the one thing that stands out is definitely leaving my church and the family that I have there. Let me tell you something: all of you believers out there, and those of you that aren't quite there yet, if you find a home church that guides you and helps you to grow, hang on to it with all you can. I know that it isn't about the church, that it's about your relationship with Christ, but coming from someone that doesn't make friends that easily or trust others, a good home church can really be a God send (pun intended). My home church is River Of Life (yes Bob, I plugged it, lol) in Portage WI. The people that I have met there and formed bonds and connections with will be a part of my life forever (sorry guys, you can't get rid of me that easily). They have encouraged me, they have challenged me, they have been brutally honest with me because I needed to hear it, and through it all, they have been there for me when I have needed prayer. Yep, that's the only thing that will make this move more difficult.
Well all, I'm logging off for the night. Until next time, stay strong, trust in the Lord, and be blessed.
God Bless,
Amber
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